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I wrote this last year to my wife: 

I have been thinking about how I could show you or tell you how much I love you. 

I started writing it down, and the following is all the further I got because there was nothing left to say. 

When I breath, I think of Laura. 

. 

. 

. 

Looking back, I realize now that someday, when I no longer need to breath. I will still think of her. Logically, this translates to: 

When I breath, I think of you. AND When I don’t breath, I think of you.  

Therefore: 

I think of Laura 

Furthermore, thought never stops and as the value of ‘I think’ approaches 100%, this just leaves: 

Laura 

There it is. Pure, unpolluted. When I read that one word, I finally feel the full impact of my love. When you read that word, do you think of me? When you read that word, do you feel the full force of your love for me? That is it. That is what I am describing. In as few words as I can pen. 

The following post was inspired by this quote: 

“We are a nation of physical animals who have forgotten how much we enjoy being that. We are cushioned by this kind of make-believe, unreal world and we have no idea what we can survive because we are never challenged or tested.”  Chuck Palahniuk 

At our core we have a hunger. 

A hunger to achieve. 

We are animals,  

but animals who want more than food and shelter. 

Insatiable. 

When we achieve what we were after, we leap for the next ring. 

Those who fall into a pattern of basic survival feel a loss. 

Their nature fighting their lifestyle. 

In a constant state of subconscious conflict – they can find no peace. 

Strengthen your body 

and when strengthening your body push it harder than you think possible. 

Broaden your mind  

and while broadening your mind explore avenues that are dark and scary. 

Sleep deep 

and when sleeping, rest the body and rejuvenate the mind. 

Laugh uncontrollably 

and when laughing, let go of petty concerns. 

Take time to balance your life. 

In all aspects of your life, give due attention. 

It is only through non-biased self examination can we improve. 

Ask yourself hard questions 

and be honest with yourself when you answer. 

The Struggle 

I found this in my notes from Feb 09, 2011. I honestly can’t remember if I wrote it, or quoted it from somewhere. It sounds like me, and I almost always site where I copy quotes from, so maybe it was me… If anyone ever reads this and find out I stole it, please let me know.

Men used to struggle through physical hardships. To build and explore. Expand and enhance the world around them. A new world was unfolding in front of them. Untamed lands were brought under their control. Beasts of burden became their tools. There was a brave new world for them to conquer. 

Today we have a new struggle. A struggle of the mind and the minute.  

I believe that this conflict of evolutionary ingrained drive is causing much of the stress and mental health issues prevalent today. While our minds have evolved well to get us to where we are today, we have pushed ourselves to the limit of what our biology can adapt to. Our limbic system still maintains control and manages the relationship between our body and mind. In modern society, this part of our brain is not getting the stimulus it craves. Also known as the reptilian brain, it controls our fight or flight response. Humans need action, physical, intense, urgent action. This is the stress that helps us grow, and we have replaced it with stress that breaks us down. 

For now, I don’t necessarily want to evolve past the need for this part of my brain, I quite enjoy many of its primary functions. CrossFit helps me exercise my fight or flight every time I read the WOD on the whiteboard. Without our limbic system, we would lose many of the pleasures that we seek to enhance. If we lose this, do we start to cease to be human? Is this the point when we become post human – when we no longer are slaves to our mental/physical ties? Once we upload and are not tied to the chemistry of this part of our brain, do we change our goals and ambitions? Or do some of us choose to continue emulation of our former mammalian brain chemistry to tap into the unique perspective that it gives us. Perhaps we need a random number generator introducing perturbance into our thoughts to ensure the creativity that we enjoy today. 

Why I am what I am  

I may appear to be only a man 

My vision makes me a leader 

My creativity makes me an artist 

My flexibility lets me try a different route 

My courage makes me lucky 

My drive makes me successful 

My background makes me see what others don’t 

The love of a woman makes me forget it all 

Sometimes I feel like I can never truly relax because I am always striving for more – never satisfied. 

I see people who are happy with the status quo, and drift through life.  

While that attitude appears relaxing from the outside, I know it would make me itch to do more and be more. 

I think I would be well served to sometimes sit back and relax and enjoy what I have … I can do this when I am relaxing with my wife. That is the one place where I feel the most complete and relaxed. Is that because it is the one place I feel that I am good enough, that she does not need anything more than what I already am? 

I think striking a balance here is imperative. When we relax, we get complacent. When we strive too hard all the time, we damage our physical and mental health. 

Take time each day to improve. Ask yourself at the end of the day: 

What did I do today to get me closer to my goals? 

What did I learn? 

What did I accomplish? 

When did I take a breath and smile? 

Who did I embrace? 

When did I laugh? 

How did I make myself physically stronger? 

What longstanding belief did I challenge? 

The list could go on and on. Make sure that you can answer some of them. Commit to doing more tomorrow. 

These words 

exist 

on this page 

because of YOU 

I am in pursuit of my limits 

somewhere ahead 

they elude me 

I drive and push 

advancing every day 

through the darkness 

a man on a mission 

when I get close 

they move away from me 

push harder, move faster, dream bigger 

this is one race that I will never win 

they are always moving one step ahead of me 

taunting me 

What were my childhood dreams. Bold are the dreams, indented italics are my current day evaluation. 

To go to mars 

Explore the unknown, go places no man has been, push beyond “today” 

To be a bike messenger in NYC 

Freedom, Independence, Speed, Agility 

To be the richest man in the world 

Richie Rich had all the coolest toys. 

To marry a beautiful woman 

Done! 

To be an artist 

To create and to express the things I see in my mind 

To build a robot with full AI 

A true friend. 

To teach 

Share my knowledge, experience, and views 

To be a great runner and be sponsored 

I always felt free while running, and would love to be paid to do what comes naturally 

To write and publish a book of poetry 

So many words to put together in new and interesting ways 

To design and build my house 

Done! 

To defend and protect the innocent – “Walking Tall” 

Everyone wants to be a hero 

To make my parents proud 

They are my base, my core, I want them to know that they made the right choices 

To be wanted by women envied by men 

Done! 😉 

To own my own business building cutting edge technology – Wayne enterprises 

Power, Money, and cool toys. 

To have children who surpass me 

My real legacy. 

To own a cabin in the mountains 

Solitude and Peace. 

I still have a long ways to go, but I will get there. 

she is my muse 

inspires with a glance 

encourages with a smile 

energizes with her presence 

reinforces through a memory 

drives with her strength 

Her words direct me 

Her thoughts compel me 

Her wishes give me purpose 

I grow because she constantly challenges me 

I will never quit, because secretly, she needs me also 

I believe that everyone needs something to believe in. 

Religion gives people a means to explain the world around them. 

People want things to make sense.  

Our minds are pattern matching machines, there has to be some pattern that explains what we experience. The world is too complex for us to understand, and that makes people uncomfortable.  

Having faith in something that ties it all together gives us that continuity. It helps us explain the unexplainable. We want people to agree with us. If people agree with us, then we feel like we are right.  

Spreading our religion gives us this confirmation. Pushing our religion on others makes us feel like we are helping them to feel as comfortable with the world as we are.  

But what if they are already comfortable?  

What if they don’t want to be comfortable? 

What if they find comfort in the unknown?