Envy and Jealousy are useless in our world so they must be controlled.
Envy is fear of missing out.
Jealousy is fear of losing what you have.
These two concepts are often confused because they are complex reactions to the real emotion of fear. They are not emotions in and of themselves. They are an interpretation of our fear and often used to generalize because we are afraid of facing those fears head on.
If we consider ourselves an enlightened society, we need to rid ourselves of the self-defeating behaviors caused by these two pseudo-emotions. They will both tear you down, waste your energy, and destroy your chances at thriving in your life.
Let’s start with the easier of the two: Envy. When we want something that someone else has, we are envious of them. We need to ask ourselves why we really care what another person has. They most likely did not steal that “thing” from you. Them having it rarely means that you can not also have it too. There are very few truly unique items and experiences in the world. We envy someone primarily because they have something that we fear we can not have. We are afraid that we will miss out on some experience that they have attained, or will attain. Our society is becoming less and less a scarcity based economy. Do not envy someone for something they have. If it is truly a priority for you, then you can attain the same objectives.
Next, the more complex: Jealousy. When we fear that we will lose something that is important to us, we feel jealous. The most common type of jealousy is related to a loved one. When we feel a threat that we will lose a loved one to someone else, then we feel jealous. That fear of loss comes from a more deep seated insecurity that we are not good enough to maintain the relationship in the presence of competition. This is what makes jealousy a complex situation and not an emotion on it’s own. Don’t try to address the jealousy face on. Even worse, don’t just avoid the situation that causes the jealousy. To do so is just another way of hiding your head in the sand. Why do you fear losing this person? Is there an underlying problem in your relationship that needs to get fixed? Are you insecure that you are not good enough to be in the relationship in the first place? These are all real problems and they need to be addressed to maintain a healthy relationship. Fix the source of the problem and you will be amazed at how liberating and stress free your life is when you feel truly secure and comfortable in your relationships.